What if Sam had met Alex?
by Seaside Sally
Summary: What if Sam Tyler had met Alex Drake? Would he have still jumped? My take on series 2, the end bit of the final episode. I do not own the rights to LOM characters. Serialization. Feedback would be most welcome. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1 Under Pressure

_What if Sam had met Alex, would he have still jumped? My take on Series 2 ending. This story will be serialized. i do not own any rights to the LOM/A2A characters. Feedback welcome. Opening chapter set in 2006._

* * *

What's the point? Sam asked himself as he gazed down at the motorway below. He leaned forward against the barrier, his eyes locking onto the bend of the road where he had his accident, Sam let out a deep sigh. Had it been worth all that effort for this? Sam wondered for the umpteenth time. He began to examine the cut on his left thumb and recalled the disapproving looks on his colleagues' faces as he beat a hasty retreat from the Conference Room. He couldn't remember one word of what had been discussed in the room and to be honest, he didn't really care. Sam felt tired and deeply troubled. The daily drudgery and tiresome bureaucracy was really beginning to irritate him but this wasn't what was bothering him. Sam flicked open his diary. He had another meeting scheduled for 2.00 pm, this time concerning new legislation and procedure being introduced. He looked further down the page and was reminded that he had an appointment with police psychologist Alex that evening at 7.00 pm. Sam sighed again and looked at the sky which was devoid of clouds. Nothing felt real anymore.

* * *

Two weeks previously, Sam had received a phone call at home from his old chief, Superintendent Jim Carstairs who had retired 4 years ago. It was Jim who had spotted Sam's potential when he had joined the police and he had been instrumental in getting support for Sam's promotion to DCI. Knowing what a tough background Sam had come from and aware of how meticulous and pig-headed he could be too, he had continued to keep a paternal eye out for him, even after retiring.

'Sam, I'm very concerned about you, son', he had growled over the phone to him. 'Why have you returned to work so early against medical recommendations? You haven't had time to convalesce, it's far too soon….. Bugger being needed at the helm, your health is more important, Sam. You need to take life easy for a while and take time out, it's not too late to request time off. Heck, you can even join me in a couple of rounds of golf!

Sam, touched that Jim was concerned about his welfare nevertheless dug his heels in,

'I can't ', he replied,' I fought so long to come back here, to do my job, I need to be here, the McGregor case is going to trial shortly, I nearly busted a gut getting this case watertight, I want to see him go down, big time'.

Sam's reply immediately inflamed Jim Carstairs as he knew it would.

'Blast big time Sam!', Jim Carstairs roared, 'You are going to burn yourself out in _double-quick time_ if you are not careful, I've seen it before, remember DI Nolan and what happened to him? If you won't listen to me, I want you to promise me one thing, I want you to see a friend of mine, you may have heard of her, Alex Drake, she's coming up to here to assist with a case for a couple of weeks. I want you to talk to her. If you respect my advice, you will go and see her.

Sam felt himself backed into a corner. If he didn't agree to this, there was no way that Jim Carstairs would turn a blind eye to the situation. Sam relunctantly agreed to meet Alex.


	2. Chapter 2 Slow Burn

_What if Sam had met Alex, would the ending have been different? Set in 2006. Feedback welcomed._

_Two weeks later. Sam visits Alex. This is an account of his sessions with her. _

* * *

Sam arrived at Winchester House feeling unusually nervous. It was with great trepidation he rung the doorbell. An attractive brunette wearing a red top and jeans answered the door and held her hand out to him.

' Hi Sam, I'm Alex, do come in!' she said cheerfully.

Sam shook her hand, 'It's great to meet you at last Alex' Sam replied, warming to her instantly. Sam gave her a small smile. Alex beckoned him towards the door on the right which was ajar, 'please, come in and make yourself comfortable', I'll join you in a minute, tea, coffee? she asked. ' Coffee please, black, no sugar' Sam replied. He entered the room and was relieved that a bright red sofa and two beige chairs beckoned instead of the customary couch he had anticipated.

Sam cast his eyes around the room while he waited for Alex. There were three large bookcases overflowing with books and a sideboard with a clock and various small wooden sculptures on top. A couple of paintings were displayed on the walls – a sea scene with the usual rugged cliffs and seagulls and a picture featuring a red balloon floating dreamily in a bright blue sky dotted with one or two clouds. A mahogany table with a jar of water and two glasses was positioned between the chairs and sofa. Sam elected to sit in a chair, he clasped his hands nervously together and looking down at the floor seriously began to contemplate the wisdom in agreeing to the hastily arranged meeting. Sam was only too conscious of how far-fetched his story sounded, what if Alex believed he was mentally unbalanced? Sam was well aware that the Panel was not entirely happy about him resuming the helm of his command, they were already questioning whether he was in full control of his faculties, one word from Alex to the Chief Super would probably put an end to his career.

Alex returned to the room carrying two coffees in her hand.' There you go', she said, handing Sam a black and white mug. She sat down on a chair and placed a file from beneath the table onto her lap.

'Sam', Alex began, 'I really am most grateful you agreed to come and see me. I've been interested in your case for sometime now both professionally and personally. I know you are probably feeling you are taking a risk seeing me of all people but I want to try and help you. I want to reassure you that whatever is discussed between us will remain strictly confidential'. Alex's sincere hazel eyes momentarily locked onto Sam's anxious eyes as if gazing directly into his troubled soul. 'Jim is really worried about you, he's noticed a change in you, he say you appear to be very depressed although you hide it well. He's tried to reach out to you a couple of times but you appear 'detached' apparently your Mother is also very concerned about you, she says you seem to be obsessed with the past and not sleeping well.

Sam knew instinctively that he could trust Alex but still privately felt that she would think he was probably still suffering post trauma from the accident or that he was in cloud cuckoo land. He smiled a small grin as if party to a private joke and resigned himself to the inevitable. Sam met Alex's eyes. "Alex, I'm really grateful you are taking an interest in my case. You have a brilliant reputation as a criminal profiler and a psychiatrist. I know you were a great support to Di Nolan when he had his breakdown after the McDowall shooting. I'm flattered you think you may be able to help me. I know our paths have crossed a couple of times in the past and your reputation proceeds you..... Look Alex, I'll be straight with you, I'm trying to get my life back on track but I'm finding it really hard. I don't want people writing me off… you know… thinking I'm ..well losing it. Look, I've studied psychology and I'm well aware of the effects of trauma , I know things can take a while to settle and that time's a great healer and all that, I'm trying to deal with it.. It's the nightmares I'm having difficulty in controlling. I find them overwheming at times. My previous psychiatrist prescribed me some medication to help but it isn't working, it's complicated… I think I need some kind of closure'….

Sam's session with Alex went surprisingly well. It wasn't long before Sam felt totally at ease with Alex, her warm and caring nature and ability to listen transcended a calmness which gave Sam the confidence to open up and share his story with her, unlike her previous successor. Sam initially began to relay his story as though he was giving evidence in court, clearly and precisely but as Alex gently extracted the confused and painful memories that had been crowding his mind since his recovery, Sam's defence mechanisms began to crumble.

During his second session, tears began to etch their way down Sam's face as he began to recall some of his more poignant moments with Annie and Gene. Feeling slightly embarrassed he began to laugh, 'it's been 9 months since the accident and 1973 is still so fresh in my mind, I can still smell Annie's perfume and Gene and Rays cigarettes, if it was all an illusion , what the hell is going on inside my head? .

* * *

Alex was both extremely worried and intrigued with Sam. She had read his career profile and learnt how his high IQ, analytical skills and forensic knowledge had earned him a rapid promotion through the police ranks which had given him the title of DCI at the young age of 32. Alex liked Sam and although she rarely saw it, she thought he had a lovely smile but Sam was utterly lost at the moment. Of course Sam was showing signs of delusion but he had been through great trauma. Alex also picked up the fact that Sam not only talked about the 70s as though it was real but he actually looked the part too. His sideboards and his black leather jacket and flared cords bore testimony to this. It was strange though, even though she tried to view Sam objectively, she somehow could feel a connection with him but where this was coming from she had no idea.

During their 3rd session together, Sam began to recount his final traumatic moments with Gene, Annie, Ray and Chris. This particular event had been causing him to have sleepless nights and nightmares . 'It's the guilt', Alex,' he blurted out, 'I can hear them in my dreams screaming for help and the guns going off, how could I have betrayed them? How could I have dreamt something which seems so real? Every ounce of my body and mind is telling me that this happened. I want it to stop and then I want to revel in it because I want to believe Gene, Annie, Chris and even Ray were real! if they weren't real then why do I feel like this?' As he described his final betrayal of his friends in the tunnel, he began to shake uncontrollably and placing his head in his hands begun to cry. Alex witnessing Sam's obvious distress moved to his side and cradled him in her arms, comforting him as he wept. 'Sam, its okay, you re not mad, it's good to talk and to express your feelings, you've been through a lot'. To Alex's surprise she found herself whispering to him,' I believe you Sam, I really do.' And she did.

Sam wiped his eyes using the tissues Alex had given him. In his mind's eye he could see Gene squirming with embarrassment hissing a 'Dorothy' insult at him. The numbness he had been experiencing had temporarily disappeared. He needed that cuddle. He missed Annie's hugs more than anything and in some ways, Alex reminded him of Annie, she had a lovely smile like Annie and she was a good listener. Sam was relieved he had told Alex what was really affecting him and felt that somehow Alex understood him, or at least gave a very impression that she did. 'I guess it is good to talk' he conceded.

* * *

'Talking helped me a lot' Alex announced after she brought in another round of coffees. When I was 11 years old, I witnessed my parents being blown up by a car bomb'.

Sam was very surprised to learn from Alex how she had narrowly escaped becoming a victim herself when she had got out of the car to chase her red balloon which she had accidently let slip from her hands. Alex praised the support and counseling she had received afterwards, how this had helped her get over the nightmares and how she managed to move on. Alex, to her consternation, was amazed that she had disclosed this information to Sam, it certainly wasn't a very professional thing to do but it seemed the only way she could show Sam that there was light at the end of the tunnel and not death as he was constantly imagining. Funny enough, Alex said, I think the policeman in charge of my parents case was called Gene too, but this happened in London not Manchester.


	3. NoOne Calls

_Four days later_

* * *

Unbeknown to Alex, Sam had been having the Day from Hell at work. Maya's replacement Sean was an utter and complete tosser. Sam recalled how he had shared the same opinion of that about Ray and Chris until he had got to know them, but Sean, had no fine qualities that were redeemable. Sean, yet again, had stuffed up an important case and allowed a serial rapist to escape justice. Sean seemed intent on stirring up trouble for Sam too, landing him in it again, this time insinuating that Sam had been a 'little worse of wear' upon his return from the Warrington Arms after following up inquiries on a particular brutal stabbing. Sam hadn't liked to admit it to himself but he had been very tempted to have more that the half pint of bitter during his visit. While quenching his thirst he had been momentarily overwhelmed as he recalled the antics of Gene and the team during their time undercover at The Railway Arms. Even if it had been a figment of his imagination, Sam couldn't help but smile as he 'remembered' Gene drunken torso rolling off the kitchen table and crashing onto the floor. Sam wondered what words of wisdom Nelson would have uttered to him concerning his present predicament.

As soon as Sam returned to the office he sensed immediately that something was wrong.

Lou, the Divisions secretary approached him

'Sir, the Chief wants to see you immediately in his office'

'Did he say what it was about?' Sam questioned her

'No but he has requested that you bring Henderson's case file with you' she replied.

Sam's instincts told him this meeting was not going to be a happy one. Henderson had been the rapist his team had been investigating, there was still no news regarding the whereabouts of Henderson's father who might be able to assist them with their enquiries, apparently Henderson and his father had been as thick as thieves until about 5 years ago, when they had fallen out over something and the father had upped and left the house they shared. Since then it would appear he had disappeared from the face of the earth. All leads had come to a dead end.

Grimly, Sam pulled out the file and headed to Chief Superintendent White's office and knocked on the door.

'Enter!' White's steely but well-clipped voice beckoned Sam.

Sam entered the room and found not only was he face to face with the Chief but also DI Andy Crane

'Ah Sam, thank you for bringing me the Henderson file' The Chief Super's face looked serious.

Sam proceeded to hand the file over to his Chief and waited in silence while his boss ran his eyes over the final documents.

White leant forward and looking Sam in the eye asked 'Is there any way we are going to be able to nail Henderson, have forensics come across anything which might link him to the latest victim?

Sam signed inwardly, knowing what was coming

'Sir, forensics have advised that so far all tests results have been inconclusive, it seems that not only our suspect used a condom during these attacks he was careful not to leave any traces of evidence behind, no trace of DNA, clothing, footprints, nothing. Of course the victims being drugged wouldn't have put up a fight hence Henderson being afforded valuable time to clean up and dispose of the evidence. Forensics still have two more tests to complete, we should know the full results within 24 hours'.

Sam had a sudden urge to smash Henderson's gutless face to smithereens. The thought of Henderson still being allowed to walk the street after committing such degrading acts upon women was making him feel physically sick, he should have been hauled in months ago, the bastard, in fact…Sam could feel nausea rising at the back of his throat, and his head began to pound, shit he felt like he was going to have a panic attack…. His stomach tightened …

As if sensing Sam's predicament Andy who Sam was on quite good terms with, stepped forward.

'Sir, We've just got a new lead, apparently Henderson's father changed his surname 5 year ago to Thompson, he actually lives in Ferris Road in Wavinstoke, he's got form too, apparently for assaults on women, we are just about to pay him a visit, I just about to speak to Sam about requesting a search warrant.

White looked up, 'okay apply immediately for a search warrant', Sam keep me informed.'

Sam breathed inwardly a sigh of relief, his heart rate was slowing down, his muddled thoughts were clearing. He mentally applauded Andy for his intervention; he definitely owed him a pint or two.

White dismissed Sam and Andy and the two men made their way back to the office.

'Sir?' Andy's utterance momentarily distracted Sam. Sam looked at Andy. 'Sir, are you feeling okay, you look, well peaky.'

Sam ran his hand through his hair, he could feel beads of sweat breaking out on his forehead,

'Yeah Andy, I've think I might have eaten something earlier which disagreed with me, I think I might 'er um Sam indicated towards the gents sign on his left, '

'Look Andy thanks for your input earlier, great detection, I'll thank the team in a bit, I just need to pay a visit ….' Sam passed the file to Andy. Could you take this back to the office for me?

Sam entered the gents and was promptly sick in the loo. He flushed the toilet then washed his hands and face in the sink. Sam felt the same as he looked, absolute shit.

* * *

Frank Morgan had warned Sam that he would be subject to emotional episodes due to the trauma he had suffered and to avoid too much stress. Alex had pretty much said the same thing although she seemed to understand why it had been so important for him to get back to work. 'It's who I am' he had told her. What he hadn't told her was that he couldn't bear to be alone with his memories

Sam hadn't realized how repressed he had been until he had fallen into a coma and had experienced life in1973. During the time he had been fighting to return to 2006 his emotions had gone into overdrive, he had been subject to anger, tears and frustration but one thing which had prevailed was the love and affection he had felt towards Annie and surprisingly enough the Team, particularly his nemesis, Gene. Of course, at the time, he hadn't realized the positive effects this had been having on him until it was too late then it was a case of 'you don't know what you're missing until it's gone'

Sam suddenly had a flashback to his first day at a new school after he and his Mum had moved to a new area after his Dad had left. Bullies who had tormented him endlessly during his first year there chasing him around the playground shouting 'Sammy- no- mates!' The memory still painful after all those years was ironic, Sam was still in a similiar situation now, no friends, no lover, only imaginary friends, and his mother – Sam looked at his watch, only 4 more hours to go and then he would have his final meeting with Alex before she returned to London. He was looking forward to seeing her very much but had a feeling that it would be the final time they would meet.


	4. Changes

What if Sam had met Alex?

_Sam's final meeting with Alex_

Sam pulled his car up outside Winchester House. He checked the time, it was 6.40 pm, he was 20 minutes early. Sam leant back in his seat and closed his eyes as Bowie's dulcet tones playing from his ipod gently soothed his frayed nerves. The music was not without ambiguity, the Life on Mars track was the first piece of music he had heard when he woke up in 1973 and it had been playing at the wedding when his father had walked out of Sam's and his mother's life forever. It still evoked bitter sweet memories, but nevertheless it was still a fantastic track to listen to .It seemed to sum the whole 1970s experience up, when he thought about it, which he did most of the time. Sam ran his fingers through his hair and yawned. He felt shattered to the core.

Tap, tap tap! Sam was rudely awakened by a girl with mousey brown hair in a navy and white school uniform beaming broadly at him. Sam rolled down his window as Alex's cheery smile came into his vision..

'Hi Sam, sorry, I'm late, did you get my message? Alex asked apologetically, I had to meet Molly at the station, she's been sent home from school due to an outbreak of glandular fever. Alex suddenly reached into her jacket pocket, then pointing to her vibrating mobile, mouthed 'sorry' as she went to answer the call.

Molly continued to stare at Sam,

Sam grinned back at Molly noting that the pretty blue –eyed girl didn't really look anything like Alex apart from her smile.

'So you're Molly' Sam said,

'Molly looked at Sam and returned the smile.

'Yes,' replied Molly, and you're Sam! Mum is always talking about you , 'Mum says you're special and that you're lucky to be alive after the car crash. Mum likes you, she's always listening to your tapes aren't you Mum!' Molly turned around and faced her mum who had returned to the scene.

'Molly!' Alex exclaimed, brushing a piece of hair back which had fallen from her ponytail, raising her eyes in mock horror, 'sorry Sam' she said, 'it's a family trait, to be so inquisitive… and mouthy!',. Alex turned to her daughter handing her a door key, 'Molls, go in and unpack, we'll be in shortly.'

'Okay Mum, bye Sam', Molly gave him a serious look, then winked, turned and scampered up the steps to unlock the door..

'Sorry about that' said Alex

'Nothing to be sorry about' replied Sam amused.

Sam and Alex walked together to the house.

So how are you' Alex asked Sam,

I have to admit I didn't have a great day today, I had a bit of a panic attack, I managed to bring it under control ….. I felt tired …. I slept badly last night. I do feel a bit stressed. Sam conceded,' maybe I do need to take more time out…''Maybe I'm trying to run before I can walk….'

Alex let Sam into the house and he followed her into the kitchen. Sam was clearly impressed with the state of the art kitchen. He ran his fingers along the stainless steel double cooker and then the black granite worktop as Alex made the coffee using the expresso machine. Sam watched her and smiled, Alex caught the smile, as she turned towards him with two cups in her hands.

'What's so amusing?' she asked.

Sam looking slightly sheepish replied

'watching you making the coffee just brought some 'memories' back that's all. .Annie could always make a nice cup of tea, she always had a knack of making me one when I was feeling down and needed to talk. I think it was one of her ways of keeping her eye on me. Chris could make a reasonable cup of tea, Ray's cups of teas on the other hand were disgusting, I could never bring myself to drink them , I'm sure he used to deliberately stew mine! I don't think I ever saw Gene make a cuppa although he used to like his coffee very strong with a 'nip' of whiskey literally chucked in….Sam looked down at the floor. . He realised that he was, as Annie would put it, 'rambling on again'

Alex looked at Sam sympathetically as she placed the cups down on the kitchen table, and then touched his arm lightly. 'It's okay Sam, she said gently. I don't want you bottling things up'.

As they drank their coffee Sam noticed a tape recorder protruding from Alex's bag..

'So have you reached any conclusions yet about my 'imaginary' experiences yet?' Sam asked using his hands to emphasise 'imaginary'.

Alex looked at Sam

' your tapes have certainly been very interesting Sam, I found your relationship with Gene in particular most intriguing.'

Sam raised an eyebrow 'intriguing, how?' he asked

Well, as you mention, it was a relationship that although was full of friction was also a very deep and caring. You and Gene appear to both had quite alot in common, dysfunctional relationship with fathers, both bright and tenacious, egoistic, stubborn and competitive. Gene's drinking is indicative of addictive behaviour, his homophobic and violent tendencies tie in with suppressive behaviour, both of which very likely are the consequence of a violent upbringing and loss of a sibling in tragic circumstances.

Sam, you appear to have been quite repressed in the past, although you show no signs of addictive behaviour, you certainly have shown signs of suppressive behaviour, devoting nearly all your time to work and neglecting personal relationships and outside interests. You mentioned during the first interview that you felt like you were on auto-pilot most of the time, just before the accident and that you also suffered from insomnia. This would indicate you were also severely depressed.

This is my professional view and of course it's early days but from what I can gage, I think your mind may have created 'Gene', as a kind of alto-ego, if you like, to help your body fight the brain tumour and maybe fend off your depression. Gene's character challenged your mind in so many ways, the tension and antagonism you experienced certainly would have kept your brain extremely active! I think Gene intrigued you, and although you found him infuriating he did allowed you to express, yourself in perhaps ways you wouldn't normally, he certainly tested you to the limits! It's quite clear that you had an emotional connection with him Apparently Frank Morgan and your mother both observed you calling out Gene's name during your coma several times. Apparently on one occasion this actually prevented the doctors from turning off your life support machine.

Sam looked dumbstruck, 'so you do believe I imagined it all then 'he said and that Gene, Annie, Ray and Chris and even Phyllis were all manufactured by my mind to keep me alive. But what about the smells, the noise, the food, the crummy homebrew, the TVs, phones, the music, my parents, how could I have imagined all that. The screams, the cries for help, the guns…..they were for real

Alex grasped Sam's hands and looked kindly into his face

'Sam, that was my professional view. Now personally speaking, I think your story is incredible, I've never come across a case like yours before Sam; I cannot say truly everything you experienced may have been related to your trauma. There are still a great number of unanswered questions. Comas are an unknown entity. I find it fascinating that your memories appear so 'detailed' and accurate,like your extensive knowledge of 1970s police procedure and legislation. I know, from personal experience, that there are some things which can happen during trauma which remain inexplicable. Sometimes, I have to pinch myself to remind myself how lucky I am to be alive; I was seconds away from death. When I think about it, we are both probably very lucky to still be alive, aren't we Sam?'

Sam looked into his coffee mug, 'walking miracles' he said, in a slight sarcastic manner.

'Sam, would it be possible to talk through some more of your experiences onto tape and forward them to me when you're ready to? I would be so interested to hear more and to get a better understanding of your trauma experience. I'm going to recommend, informally to Jim Carstairs that you take a couple of months 'compassionate leave', you are very depressed Sam, you need time to rest and revaluate your life. I will give you a couple of weeks to sort your cases out before making this recommendation before it ends up going through the official channels, just in case the Board decide to give you immediate leave.

Sam found himself reluctantly agreeing to Alex's proposal. In all honesty things at work were becoming a strain, gone were the days when he was 100% dedicated to his job, life in 2006. For a moment he found himself wondering what Gene would have made of Alex.


	5. Chapter 5

_Sorry about the break, I have been really busy and this story has been quite a challenge to write. Not quite finished yet, but I now know how it's going to end. Would appreciate comments._

It was Frank Sinatra singing 'I did it my way' which eventually penetrated Sam's consciousness and aroused him from his sleep. Sam turned over and moaned as his head began to pound furiously. His throat was parched, the smell of booze and vomit soon brought him to his senses, he pulled himself up and gazed across at the clock. Something wasn't right, most definitely not right….

'Shit, bollocks!'

The realisation that he had overslept by an hour was not helped by the events of the previous night now being rapidly replayed in his mind. Sam mentally began to berate himself as he remembered the taxi driver calling him a F**** P**** after evicting him from his taxi for throwing up on the back seat. A disappointing ending to an evening which had started off so well when he and CID had been helping Andy celebrate his forthcoming nuptials, he initially hadn't wanted to go but it was that or another night on his own in the flat, a no boner. He remembered an argument breaking out between him and Sean, then Kirk and Andy dragging him out of the pub and into a taxi….

Sam noticed a large bruise on his arm where he had landed on it when he had fallen out of the taxi, he touched it and was surprised for such a large bruise it didn't hurt at all.

As he sat up he brushed his hand across his eyes and was surprised to find they were moist. For a moment he was puzzled and then he recalled with surprising clarity that he had been dreaming about Gene and the Team in the tunnel again too but this time it had been different, instead of running into the tunnel, he had been running back out of the tunnel towards the chaos which ensured in the daylight. He had been carrying a gun, shots had been fired and then blank.

Sam grabbed the large bottle of tablets on his bedside table and swallowed two furiously with water as if trying to flush away the memories of that night. Desperate to regain some sense of the present, he flicked the alarm switch back to radio where as almost on cue, the radio began to belt out 'Gene Genie' Sam laid his head back onto the pillows and looked up at the ceiling and began to laugh. Today he was going to hand in his notice. He had decided a week ago to quit the police force. He needed to get his life back on track. If he didn't he knew it would only be a matter of time before he went utterly mad.

* * *

As Sam drove to work, his ear piece rang; he switched it on and was relieved to hear Alex's voice on the other end and not Chief Superinterdent White's. no doubt, word would have reached his ears of Sam's outrageous behaviour last night, courtesy of that bastard Sean.

'Hi Sam' 'Glad I managed to catch you, how are you?'

'Hi Alex, I'm fine said Sam, 'In fact, everything is great. I've finally come to a decision, one I should have made ages ago, I'm quitting CID, I'm leaving the Force'

He hoped he sounded positive, he still felt incredibly shit-faced from the previous night.

'Are you sure?' Alex sounded slightly surprised,' I thought you were going to take compassionate leave, think things over'

Sam chuckled

'Alex, if I being honest with myself, I've had loads of time to 'think things over', the truth is I've lost the edge, things are just not the same anymore. I've changed. I used to follow the rules and regulations without question, now I find myself resenting the amount of time spent in meetings debating ridiculous points of law when I should be out there helping to put dangerous criminals away. I'm tired of 'suspects' getting off on technicalities or because we haven't dotted is or crossed ts, I just can't do '21st century policing anymore…I can't believe I'm saying this but I bloody hate all this 'P.C' And I think my Team, deserve better, I'm just not up to the job, and there's something else you should know Alex' he added

'Sam?'

'I don't care anymore'

* * *

'Sam?' Alex's voice sounded pensive. It can take quite a bit of time to adjust to life outside and you are still recovering from the trauma. I think it's really important you have a local support network in place. Have you thought through your options?

Sam touched that Alex was so concerned about his welfare felt an involuntary lump rise in his throat.

'Yes, well I spoke my mother last week, in fact, she has suggested a few times that maybe I should leave the force and try something different. I actually put the flat on the market last week too, I'm going to treat her to a well-deserved holiday when it's sold.' I also spoke to my DI Andy Crane too, he's been incredibly supportive, not exactly professional but, I've learnt to trust my gut instinct and I trust him.' I haven't really made any plans though, I might travel, see the world, chill for a bit, maybe... his voice trailed off'

Alex still didn't sound convinced. 'Sam can I do anything for you? I feel you still need some kind of professional support in place, why don't you come and stay in London for a couple of weeks. We could meet up, maybe I could ask around, see if there might be any openings that might interest you…you have excellent credentials…'

Sam smiled, Thanks Alex but I need to move on with my life, I feel everything is beginning to implode around me at the moment, look I'm leaving while I'm 'at the top' . I know it will be only a matter of time before I'm allocated to another division. I'm living on borrowed time. I've made a few errors and more than a few enemies, I've not been on 'top form' for quite some time but at least I will be leaving a reasonable track record of achievement. The Henderson case is now watertight and going to court, I've done my bit. Yeah, maybe I might go and have a chat with Jim Carstairs …but after I've resigned.

'Okay Sam, but can I just ask, are you still happy to continue with the evaluation,'

Sam smiled inwardly, 'I've almost finished the last one, I'll complete it at work today and send it on to you, anyway, you know something?...'

'What Sam?.'

'All this..with you..it's been great, it's been good to talk about things with you, thank you.'


End file.
